Day 70

Kora is 10 weeks old today!!! She's so strong. We started the morning off with my mom coming down and surprising me. It was a total shock and so appreciated!! Kora went into surgery at 0930 and came back around 1200. She did fantastic! She didn't need any blood and was able to breathe on her own! She's in pain and is extremely hungry. She's unable to eat for a few days. She's strong though. I am so proud of her and am grateful we are close to going home. 

Day 68

5 pounds! 5 pounds! 5 freaking pounds. And one ounce. Woohoo!!! What an awesome day. We have had such a good day. Kora is eating from a bottle like a champ. She is struggling with me still but loves the bottle. :) it doesn't matter she's getting closer! I am so proud of her. I was able to get a family room so I can sleep for a few hours in a real bed. :) 

Day 67

Well, good news but not great. The surgeon said that she is good to go for surgery but she wants her to get eating down. Just in case she needs a G tube. I don't think she will but it's better to be safe. So, that means that I'm going to rooming in at the hospital 24-7 until she gets it down. It's very hard to learn you know! I know she'll do great but we will have to work and not give up. Kora has fell in love with a mamaroo. It's a kind of swing that the Nicu has. We are hoping the one she has at home works just as good. :) I am exhausted and going to try to get some sleep. 

Day 66

Nothing much has changed! She's continuing to gain weigh slowly but surely. Her surgeron is back tomorrow so we are hoping she will schedule surgery for later this week. Who knows though. Today was the March of Dimes walk! It was so much fun! Lots of babies! Anything I can do to make my baby girl proud I will. Lots of people came out and walked for Kora! I just can't wait till she's able to be there next year. :) 

Day 65

Yay for fun days! Kora is officially wearing newborn clothes now!!! They are a little big but she's too long for preemie clothes. She gained another 40 grams and is only 300 away from our goal for surgery. She's getting closer! We are hoping within the next week or 2! Mom and Dad celebrated their 3 year anniversary together. They went to dinner and a meeting. It was nice to get away from the hospital for awhile. It's crazy to think it has been 3 years since that first date. So much has happened. So much has changed. I wouldn't give it up for the world. 

Day 64

A day late! I'm sorry! But we had a huge today! Kora got moved to a big girl crib, she met new family and had a sleepover with mom! Anthony's family came in from California and we had an awesome visit. Aunt Candy and Uncle Jeff spoiled Kora rotten. Lots of stuffed animals and adorable outfits. They took us out to lunch at Cheesecake Factory and it was great! Great Grandma Kloehn and Auntie Emily came and visited with lots of love. Kora was extremely fussy but mommy ha d to leave and came back around 10. Kora was still fussy and the second I picked her up she fell asleep. It was awesome. I then proceeded to fall asleep until 3:30am and decided to go home. It was overall a good day full of love. 

Day 63.

2175! 4 pounds 13 ounces! So big! She's growing fast. Kora continued to be fussy into the night and day. She finally wore herself out. She ended up sleeping for the majority of the time I was there. I wasn't able to hold her but that's okay. She gained 80 grams. That's all that matters. I am so proud of her. I'm having a better day today but it's still hard. These damn hormones. They make me cry for days and I don't know why. I know it'll get better. It's just hard right now. Everyday that she's there is hard. But she's happy. She's alive. She's beautiful. 

Day 62

Exhausted. Mentally. Physically. Emotionally. Kora was extremely fussy today. She screamed on and off for about 4 hours. Nothing would calm her down.  I'm so sad. I can't even calm down my own child. How am I going to do this? She doesn't want to eat from me. We tried feeding her from a bottle. We tried patting her back. We tried skin to skin. We tried rocking. We tried singing. Nothing worked. We left her crying. I'm so upset. I can't stop crying. I've never felt more useless in my life. I hate seeing her in pain. I hate seeing her cry. I hate seeing her in this place. I'm just so angry today. It's not fair. It's really not. 

Day 61

Another good day! Kora is continuing to gain weight and all the doctors are pleased. They are thinking next week for the surgery! It's not for sure and we will have a better idea Monday. But I believe this might be it! Now we can just work on her going home! I am so excited. I better get my butt in gear and work on that nursery! We are mostly done just need final touches. Everything else is going well though. Mom is sticking to the diet and had an extremely hard workout today. We just are living in limbo as usual. Loving our baby girl more and more. 

Day 60

One more day down. Kora got her first round of shots today. Thank God I wasn't here for it. I heard she did amazing. She was fussy for a few minutes but nothing that good old sugar wouldn't help. :) She's basically sleeping all day. This is normal for preemies. They sleep 22 out of 24 hours. I can't wait till she's awake more. I can't wait to lay on the floor and play on her gym with her. I can't wait till she laughs and smiles with me. I can't wait to here her babble on and on. She never ceases to amaze me. I got diagnosed with asthma today. :( So I am now on an inhaler and steroids! Not very happy but it's okay. I'm still going strong on my diet. I've lost weight already. And I feel better! I am so excited and proud of myself. But this is has been the object of my desire today. My heart has totally melted. I've never been more in love. 

Day 59

Happy 2 months to our princess. It's been an amazing 2 months. She's consistently gaining weight. She's so strong. She can hold her head up pretty well. She sucks very strong and tries to eat from me when she can. She sleeps a lot still. She's just changing so much. It's amazing how much they grow. We had a photoshoot today and it was amazing! She did so good during it. We are hoping to get the pictures back soon. She's going to be getting her 2 month shots tonight. :( 5 shots given over 4 pokes. I asked them to do it when we aren't here. Nothing much else to report. Just waiting on surgery. Mommy and her continue to cuddle all day when mommy is here. Kora loves to be held and cuddled that's for sure. 2 months down and a lifetime to go. 💟💟

Day 58

What a crazy day. Nothing much has changed with Kora. She's 4 pounds 7 ounces. Which is awesome. She's gained 7 ounces in 5 days. She's growing more and more. One of Kora's roommates is extremely sick. He's gotten worse and worse as time goes on. I don't know a lot about it but I can hear the alarms and the fear of doctors. Everyday that your pray for Kora I ask you pray for all babies here. This journey isn't easy. I'm not the only one going through it. I also have a healthy baby compared to some other babies here. It's scary. I thank God and the wonderful staff here at UMC for the amazing care they have for Kora. We are extremely blessed. It's been a mostly low key day for us. I got lots of good cuddle time in with her. I also started prepping my food for the week. I'm still going strong on the 21 day fix. I'm getting healthy for Kora. I am going to be strong just like she is. 

Day 57

We got some fantastic news last night. The team was worried that Kora was positive for Cystic Fibrosis due to her blockage and a positive on her genetic test for one of the markers. So after some further testing we have come to find out that she is just a carrier and not actually sick with the disease! It's not 100% for sure as they have not done a sweat test yet but it's 98% positive. We are so relieved. I was so scared and fearful. It wouldn't change the way I love her but it would change our lives more. Enough about that, Kora is continuing to progress great. She weighs 4 pounds 5 ounces and gains everyday! We are hoping she will be to that surgery weight soon! As soon as she gets back together we can work on going home. I am so ready for that day. I walk by that empty nursery everyday and my heart hurts a little more. We have the majority of it done now but we need the last few finishing touches. This little girl is definitely spoiled. She has a pink palace and closet full of clothes waiting for her. Not to mention lots and lots of toys! I can't wait for our family to be together. Anthony and I are going through some big life changes and thinking of moving back to Washington. It will be a huge change for us both but it will be better in the long run for everyone. We are hoping the right answer comes to us sooner rather then later. I am so happy it is Friday! I can spend all weekend with my baby girl. We have a professional photographer coming Sunday to capture memories of this journey. It will be nice to get some photos taken and not be the one taking them for once. :) 

Day 56

8 weeks today. 8 weeks since my life was changed. 8 weeks of hospitals trips. 8 weeks of tears. 8 weeks of love. 8 weeks of prayers. This journey has been amazing. The days drag on but the weeks fly by. Kora is honestly breathtaking. She's so perfect in everyway. She looks exactly like her daddy except for my bright blue eyes :) I hope they stay this color! Every hour that I am not with her my soul craves her. I can't wait till I walk through the doors to her room. I'm holding her while I write this and I am moved to tears. I never thought this kind of love was possible. As for mommy and daddy, we are just living the NICU life. Mommy started a diet program and is on day 4! It's been going good. I am super sore and getting used to not eating junk food. It will all be worth it in the end. Daddy is just being the amazing guy he is. He supports us girls in the best way ever. We are super blessed to have an amazing man. 

Day 55.

I decided to start a daily blog to help with my PTSD as well my overall healing. For those of you who aren't familiar with my story I will start from the beginning.  When I was 29 weeks pregnant I went on for a normal OB check up and they sent me to the perinatal assessment office for a routine exam. I was born with a pelvic kidney so we were not sure if that would affect my ability to have a vaginal birth. So on February 18, I had my appointment. They started off by taking my vitals which is totally normal. My blood pressure was extremely high. They decided to admit me to the hospital for close monitoring. It was there that I was placed on bed rest with bathroom capabilities. I was given a 24 hour urine test and administered steroids right away.  I felt totally fine except for the fact I was super swollen everywhere. After my 24 hour urine which was only a few mls because I was retaining so much water, the doctor came in and asked why I was still pregnant? It turns out I had severely preeclampsia. I was immediately prepped for an emergency c-section. I was terrified. I was 10 weeks early. I wasn't ready to be a mom yet. I wasn't ready to have my child cut out of me. I wanted to feel her kicks and hiccups for a couple  months longer. When the surgery was going on, I was shaking. I'm not sure if it was the cold of the OR or the state of shock. Well, at 11:32pm on February 19, Kora Kelly Gonzales was brought into this world. She weighed 2 pounds 3 ounces and was 14 and a half inches long. When she was born, they diagnosed us with inner uterine growth restraint (IUGR). So even though she was 30 weeks she was measuring around 27. Kora was immediately taken into a room for stabilization. She was breathing on her own which is thanks to the steroids I got! I wasn't able to see her for the first time till she was 30 hours old as I was on some nasty drugs. (Magnesium Sulfate and Morphine) She was stable the first 4 days and we were able to love on her a from the outside of her box. Well, day 5 was different. She was transported to UMC for emergency surgery. Scariest moment of my life. It turns out that she had a blockage in her intestine which caused a perforation which causes free standing air in her stomach. They were able to fix it and placed a stoma on her. That was 7 weeks ago. She still has the a ostomy bag and is still waiting for her next surgery. She needs to weigh 5 pounds and she is now 4 pounds 3 ounces. So we are getting there! But in the recent weeks, life has been exhausting.  Between working full time and spending every other waking moment at the hospital. I have gained some really close friends from this though. Other moms and nurses who understand what this life is like. Kora is an amazing little girl who loves cuddling with daddy, screaming her head off and practicing her neck exercises. I am going to try to keep up with this everyday as a coping mechanism for myself. 

Her first picture. 

 

04/12/15 big yawns during bath time.